Not sure why chapter count isn’t being automatically updated on Novelupdates. Manually submitted the last few chapters so I’ll see if they get added. Was wondering why there were no comments recently…
That night, the old madam made trouble again.
The chicken soup Matron Zhao brought her was spilled all over her clothes and blankets.
Matron Zhao knew this was the old madam being unwilling to drink chicken soup. Ever since they moved out of the Weiyuan Marquis Estate, the old madam’s food quality had dropped a large level. Although it wasn’t like she had endless ginseng in the past, she still had swallow’s nest and other nourishing items every day. Now, the only nourishment the old madam had was was chicken soup, chicken stewed with Chinese Angelica, red dates and other similar things. No matter how they changed it up, it was still chicken and the taste was the same.
The old madam rarely ate chicken in the past. Even when she did, she would be very picky. For example, ten chickens would be slaughtered so she could eat a plate of simmer-fried chicken wings. She would stew several chickens into soup just so she could eat a bowl of shredded chicken noodles. How could the old madam be satisfied with chicken?
Therefore, Xiao Miao who didn’t understand would often say the old madam is feeling peckish and wants to eat something more substantial.
Matron Zhao didn’t have time to manage her so she let her say as she pleased. Actually Xiao Miao wasn’t being mouthy. There were just many undercurrents amongst the servants. They all understood that serving the old madam was bitter work. Only fools would volunteer for it. Therefore, this ended up being left to Xiao Miao, the little lass who had been purchased outside. Some servants loved to shirk work while still mocking others. Every time they saw Xiao Miao scrubbing the blankets in the large wooden basin, someone would ask her what was up this time.
Xiao Miao was young and didn’t understand much. She couldn’t understand why such good chicken soup would be disliked by the old madam so. She could only say the old madam wanted to eat something more substantial. She was also kindheartedly letting Chen-shi know about this and have her switch things up for the old madam. Unfortunately, Xue-shi always turned a blind eye to it.
Matron Zhao supported things from the front, having Xiao Miao help the old madam change. Xiao Miao went up to undo her clothing while listening to the old madam’s incoherent shouting and cursing.
At first Xiao Miao had been quite afraid of these noises. As time passed, she wasn’t scared anymore as long as she wasn’t too close. However, she was afraid of looking too closely at the old madam’s face. That face made her think of the old hag in the stories her mom used to tell her as a child.
Xiao Miao wasn’t a servant from the Weiyuan Marquis Estate. She had been purchased after they moved to the Hengshui Alley, since they really didn’t have anyone to serve the old madam.
After this round of hard work, Matron Zhao and Xiao Miao were covered in sweat. They rested for a while before Xiao Miao went to the kitchen and brought over the food that was being kept warm on the stove. Matron Zhao had her go eat first while she sat by the bed and soothed the old madam.
Xiao Miao was very impressed with Matron Zhao. This was because she had heard the old madam speak before and she couldn’t understand a word. She naturally didn’t know that this was a skill Matron Zhao developed over the decades she had served the old madam. Matron Zhao knew what she meant with just a glance.
Xiao Miao crouched in the outer room and scarfed down her food. The servants naturally didn’t eat as well as the masters. They only got a few pieces of fatty meat and some leafy greens. However, this was something Xiao Miao had never dared imagine eating in the past. She was from a small village not far from the capital. During the previous year’s famine, her family couldn’t raise her anymore and sold her off. At the time she was only eigth years old, and she was only ten now.
Matron Zhao still wasn’t able to persuade the old madam in the end and brought out the remaining half-bowl of chicken soup. Xiao Miao sniffed at the chicken soup’s aroma. Matron Zhao saw this and poured the remaining soup into her bowl. Xiao Miao offered some to Matron Zhao as well but she shook her head. She looked strangely at Xiao Miao.
Xiao Miao knew she was pitying her. Many people in the courtyard looked at her the same way. In Xiao Miao’s opinion, these people were all rather senseless. Weren’t the days supposed to be spent this way? It was pretty good to have food to eat. Those people probably never felt the pain of an empty stomach.
Matron Zhao didn’t even eat dinner before sighing, shaking her head and going back inside. The old madam needed someone on standby overnight. This job was usually left to Matron Zhao. Xiao Miao was young and also a little dense so she wouldn’t be involved.
In the middle of the night, Xiao Miao was awoken by Matron Zhao. She said she wasn’t feeling well and asked her to take over for a bit.
The next day, Xiao Miao wondered why Matron Zhao didn’t get up. Only after going to wake her did she find that Matron Zhao wasn’t able to get up.
Matron Zhao was ill, seriously ill. She was bedridden and couldn’t get up.
Chen-shi invited a doctor over for her. The doctor said it was due to her age and being overworked. She could only recuperate slowly.
Matron Zhao was ill and couldn’t serve the old madam anymore. Xiao Miao definitely couldn’t do it by herself so they had to pick someone from the other servants. The servants didn’t have time to feel afraid, and begging their ancestors wasn’t any use. It wasn’t possible for Chen-shi to personally step up. Therefore, whoever was chosen was out of luck.
When she didn’t see Matron Zhao, the old madam made a huge fuss. But since no one could understand her words, they just let her fuss. Xiao Miao understood why the old madam was making a fuss. She told her that Matron Zhao had gotten sick and couldn’t get up.
Matron Zhao rested for two days. Her son had come to the door and begged the third lord to let him bring her away. Matron Zhao had worked for the Weiyuan Marquis Estate all her life. Now that her situation was critical, her son wanted to bring her out to recover for a couple days.
The third lord agreed. When Matron Zhao was carried out, her eyes were filled with tears.
After Matron Zhao left, the old madam was silent for a few days. However, she soon reverted back to her old ways. Her new servant was not as considerate. If her clothes got dirty they remained dirty. If things couldn’t be washed in time she would have to wait. There was even less need to mention wiping her down. She wasn’t even being flipped every half hour like she was supposed to be.
The third lord would come visit the old madam once every few days. However, she was now completely different from before. Everyone knew she made a ruckus for no reason so it wasn’t appropriate for him to blame the servant. He could only have Chen-shi put in some effort. Chen-shi was filled with anger to begin with. She had to manage this rundown place and her daughters complained every day. After Yan Qu asked her to put in some more effort, he turned and went to Concubine Cui’s place. It would be weird if she actually put in more effort!
A sick person lying in bed needed to be meticulously taken care of. After making such a fuss for several days, the old madam no longer had the strength to continue doing so. The weather was hot and no one helped flip her or change her bedding. The old madam soon got bedsores.
She was uncomfortable from the pain so her shouting and wailing could be heard night and day. However, no one paid attention to her at this point. They all assumed she was doing it on purpose. The granny who was serving her with Xiao Miao even cursed her secretly: why don’t you hurry up and die?!
Suddenly one day, the old madam finally grew quiet. She no longer scared the sixth and seventh misses into crying at night and no longer forced Concubine Lan and her son to stuff their ears with cotton. Everyone revealed a pleased expression.
The next day, Xiao Miao’s screams sounded throughout the courtyard.
The old madam had passed away.
The old madam looked extremely tragic in death. She was emaciated and her buttocks were covered in festering bedsores.
Yan Ting was furious and cursed the servants responsible for the old madam.
However, the servants were rather innocent. Xiao Miao was still young and was merely playing a supporting role. Ever since Matron Zhao left, Chen-shi had arranged others to go serve. However, they would only last a few days before crying that they were quitting. She could only switch them out. In the end, they settled on rotating between the servants every few days. Who was responsible for the old madam’s current condition? They couldn’t drag them all out and have them beaten. Furthermore, if they beat them, who would do the work in the courtyard?
Under Concubine Cui’s instigation, the third lord put all the blame onto Chen-shi. It was all because this daughter-in-law wasn’t diligent, which resulted in this outcome!
They could only make a fuss behind closed doors. When they went to report her death, they had to tidy the old madam up. They couldn’t let the eldest branch and the eldest daughter know that the old madam had died miserably due to the third branch’s negligence.
Yan Zhi wasn’t present. Xue-shi brought her two sons over. Shen Yi Yao and Yan Mo also hurried over.
Matron Zhao’s son had been keeping an eye on things and didn’t dare tell his mom the news. Ever since she left the place, she had fallen seriously ill. She had just recovered slightly. He was afraid she wouldn’t be able to take this news.
The old madam’s funeral was held in Hengshui Alley.
Things were no longer the same as before. Apart from the Chen household, Shen household and Xue-shi’s maternal family sending some people over, there were almost no others at the ceremony. Yan Feng cried her heart out but it was no use.
Dead was dead. A person’s death was like an extinguished lamp.
After observing her wake of seven days, they hurriedly buried her. They buried her in front of Yan Ting’s cenotaph, next to the deceased old marquis.
Xu Xiang Rong had considered keeping it from Yan Ting. After thinking it over, he ended up telling him.
Yan Ting was just beginning to recover. After hearing the news, he fainted. When he awoke, he insisted on being brought into a carriage. The carriage remained an entire night in front of the Hengshui Alley’s residence where the third branch lived.
Everyone naturally was present the day the old madam was buried. Even Yan Yan and Luo Huai Yuan were there.
After the event, as Yan Yan and Luo Huai Yuan were preparing to leave, they saw a rather familiar black carriage in the distance.
This type of ordinary looking carriage could be seen everywhere in the capital. What made Yan Yan look twice was that she had seen this carriage once before at the Hengshui Alley. Now, she had seen it once again.
Was it the same one or was she mistaken?
“What’s up?” Luo Huai Yuan asked.
Yan Yan shook her head: “Nothing.”
This matter merely made a small ripple in her heart. She didn’t think too much of it.
After everyone left, that unassuming carriage finally approached.
It stopped far away and the driver put down the steps and lifted the curtains.
A voice sounded out.
“I’ll have someone help you down.”
“No need.” It was another male voice.
A person came out from the carriage.
That person was pale like a ghost, his cheeks extremely sunken. He seemed to be all skin and bones. He had some difficulty moving. Just getting off the carriage took him quite some time, and covered his forehead in sweat.
The driver couldn’t watch any longer and stretched his hand out to help him. He stumbled off the carriage and almost planted to the ground.
“Your injured leg…”
Yan Ting gripped his wooden crutch and used his other hand to wave his support away. “Scram, scram!”
He was rather emotional, his eye sunken with heavy bags. His eyes were bloodshot. He looked like a demon that crawled out of hell.
He stumbled over, every step hurting him to the bones. However, this made him feel a sort of refreshing feeling.
Mom, mom, your unfilial son is here to see you!
Xu Xiang Rong looked at Yan Ting’s back from the carriage, his gaze complicated.
Soon, he got off the carriage and slowly followed behind.
Yan Ting exerted all his efforts to reach the front of the grave.
His right leg had been too severely injured from his fall. It was said when they found him, his bone was directly sticking out. Only after being treated by a famous doctor did his leg get reconnected. The doctor said he needed to rest properly, or he would end up disabled in the future.
In theory, Yan Ting shouldn’t be walking at this time. But he had never fulfilled his filial duties properly. Prior to his mom’s death, he wasn’t by her side. He wasn’t there for her funeral and couldn’t even show his face when she was buried. Yan Ting had finally walked out of the shadow of his depression and had finally felt like living again. Now, everything was shattered by the old madam’s death.
He knew that death was a part of life and that the old madam’s health hadn’t been good for a while. News of his death had probably given her another heavy blow. Who would be able to endure seeing their children die before they did?! She then had to experience moving out of the Weiyuan Marquis Estate where she lived her entire life. This was another blow! It was expected for her not to be doing well. However, Yan Ting couldn’t think of this at the moment. Even if he did, he wouldn’t accept it. He felt everything was his fault. It was his fault the old madam had died so early and so miserably. Otherwise, she would definitely have lived a long life.
Yan Ting thudded to his knees and threw aside his crutch.
He cried out an extremely sorrowful “oh, mom” and fell prone to the floor. He cried out all of his grief. The cold wind blew and the white ritual money for the dead danced. Xu Xiang Rong stood not far behind him, one hand behind his back in a show of respect.
Yan Ting knelt there like an unmoving statue.
It started to drizzle, and soon the ground became wet.
Xu Xiang Rong stepped forward and pulled him up: “Let’s go, it’s time to leave.”
The silent Yan Ting waved him off: “Scram!” He roared hysterically, as though Xu Xiang Rong was his enemy.
Xu Xiang Rong’s mouth tightened.
“I’ll say it again, it’s time to leave!”
Yan Ting ignored him so he went to pull him again. Xu Xiang Rong didn’t know martial arts. If Yan Ting was healthy, he wouldn’t have been able to move him. But in his weakened, grieving and crippled state, Xu Xiang Rong was able to pull him up.
“Why did you save me? Why did you save me? You might as well let me die, I won’t be grateful to you….”
Yan Ting seemed as if he was crazy and struggled with all his might. The rain fell upon the two of them, quickly soaking their hair which stuck to their faces.
“Enough! What are you causing a ruckus for!?”
Xu Xiang Rong lost his patience and dumped him on the floor. Seeing his wretched appearance, he felt it hard to bear again and went to hold him.
“My patience is limited. Don’t test it. Don’t ask stupid questions like why I saved you. Since I did, you should live properly for me!”
Xu Xiang Rong spoke while supporting Yan Ting to the carriage. The driver hurriedly helped lift him inside.
Yan Ting’s appearance was extremely wretched. He lay in the carriage covered in mud. His lips were purple from the cold, his face drawing a strange arc.
“You’re disgusting, you disgust me! It’s all because of you. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be in this state!”
Xu Xiang Rong took out a towel from the cabinet and wiped his wet hair. He then calmly wiped off the mud on his hands.
“Yes, I’m disgusting, I’m despicable. You’ve said these things countless times. Even if you act submissive, you are still cursing me in your heart. You can do so if you wish, but don’t forget. I’m the one who saved your life.”
“Do you think I should be grateful for that? It’s hard to live, but easy to die!” Yan Ting smiled coldly.
Before his voice fell, Yan Ting realized there was a hand on his chin. Those snow-white slender fingers tightly gripped his chin, as though wanting to crush it. The other slender hand held a towel and slowly wiped his face. The movements were very gentle, but these movements along with the face in front of him made Yan Ting involuntarily feel fear.
The thin pale lips moved: “I’ve realized face really shouldn’t be given. I’ve given you face but you refuse it. Don’t blame me for not giving you any in the future. You wish to die?”
Xu Xiang Rong’s voice was very soft, like a wisp of smoke, “I’ve said it before: your life was saved by me. Want to die? Sure! I recall you still have a young brother and a few sons. If you don’t wish to be the last of your line, if you don’t wish your mom to climb out from her grave to find you, then behave!”
Yan Ting’s face immediately turned deathly pale.
The person’s tone and his usual conduct told him that he was truly capable of doing something like this.
“Xu Xiang Rong, you’re a despicable, shameless demon!”
Xu Xiang Rong closed his eyes and covered their gleam. He ignored him.
The day of Luo Huai Yuan’s departure from the capital soon arrived.
The Yun Prince Estate had long since been prepared. The people who needed to be brought along were chosen. Over the years, the estate had been pretty much thoroughly inspected by Luo Huai Yuan. He would naturally not bring the spies of others.
Eunuch Xi was old so he wasn’t planning on going to the vassal state with Luo Huai Yuan. He could remain in the Yun Prince Estate within the capital and watch over the place. Luo Huai Yuan understood his meaning and straightforwardly handed the “antidote” to Eunuch Xi. It helped him clear up the load on his mind.
The day of departure, there was a large procession of carriages. It looked very grand but actually couldn’t be compared to when the Jin Prince and Qi Prince left.
Shen Yi Yao, Yan Mo, Yan Ru, Yan Ling, Liu Shu Yi and her husband had all come to see Yan Yan off. No one came from the Zhenguo Duke Estate. This was because Yan Yan and Luo Huai Yuan had already stopped by the estate to meet with her grandparents, uncle and aunt. There were currently many eyes around so it was better to be low-key.
Once they got on the carriage, Yan Yan left behind the capital she grew up in. In front of her was a completely foreign place.
“Don’t worry. The Yun Province is just a little cold. Once we’re in our own world, we can do whatever we want in the future.”
Luo Huai Yuan was naturally just comforting Yan Yan. Although a vassal prince was in charge of his state, there were still quite a few overseers from the court and various defensive measures between the vassal princes.
But it was better to be more optimistic. With effort, anything can be achieved!
The Yun Province in the north.
It wasn’t extremely north but the weather was still colder.
It was already November. Before they crossed the borders it had started snowing heavily. Although it wasn’t to the extent of blocking the roads, it was still hard to travel.
Luckily this was a vassal prince going to his state. Luckily Luo Huai Yuan was surnamed Luo. Therefore, they were escorted by authorities the entire way. When they saw places where the road was blocked, the authorities would order the snow to be cleared.
Once a prince was given his title, he was no longer just the emperor’s son. He was also a vassal prince. The court had always managed vassal princes strictly. For example, there were deadlines for when they had to leave the capital and when they had to arrive at their vassal state. Exceeding this deadline meant violating imperial decree.
Although this didn’t warrant a beheading, it would still be censured by the court. At that time, the vassal prince would have to submit a memorandum explaining things. It was extremely troublesome.
Just ahead of the deadline, Luo Huai Yuan and Yan Yan finally arrived at the state’s capital Yun City. Luo Huai Yuan quickly scribbled a memorandum and stamped his prince’s seal upon it before handing it to the court.
The Yun Prince Estate had started construction soon after Emperor Xi conferred his title. The vassal prince’s estate was where the vassal prince spent his entire life, and was also the place of highest authority within the vassal state. It naturally couldn’t be ordinary.
Luo Huai Yuan had asked the Department of Architecture. The Yun Prince Estate would be completed around June of next year. Prior to that, Luo Huai Yuan’s group would stay in a courtyard outside Yun City.
The Grand Xi had a feudal system, meaning the princes had to leave for their vassal states while only the crown prince remained in the capital. This was the rule set by the Grand Xi’s ancestral emperor for the sake of safeguarding the emperor’s successor and preventing the Luo household’s descendants from killing each other.
In the Grand Xi, a prince was a hereditary title that would never get demoted. They had a pension and an extremely bountiful salary. They were given ten thousand stone of rice per year. Apart from that, they were conferred a title, given a palace, a marriage, funeral expenses, kitchen workers, various palace maids and manual laborers. They would also get occasional bestowals.
Furthermore, the vassal prince governed his vassal state.
To put it plainly, the vassal state was the prince’s own little world. The collected taxes weren’t given to the court, but rather to the prince. He had authority over the local yamen via the judicial department and human resources. Apart from the adjutant’s office, commander of the troops and commander of the guards being arranged by the court, everyone else could be personally appointed by the prince.
It seemed like the vassal prince had a lot of authority and freedom, almost like a local emperor. However, this was all an illusion.
The highest authority within the vassal state was the vassal prince estate. Within the estate was an adjutant’s office. The adjutant’s office was an external supervisor to all the vassal state’s affairs. It had several units with clearly defined roles. The justice center was responsible for administering punishments for crimes. The meal management center was responsible for the food, drink and feasts of everyone in the estate. The regulatory center was responsible for all the stamps and seals of the estate. The virtuous guidance center was responsible in teaching the prince’s would be offspring etiquette, hosting national holidays of gratitude and doing virtuous deeds in name of the prince. The tribute and offerings center gave rites to the gods and ancestors. The ceremonial center was responsible for ceremonies and etiquette within the estate. The skilled labor center maintained, repaired and renovated the estate. The medical center was responsible for medical treatment and hygiene. The transportation center was responsible for chariots, carriages and the riding thereof, as well as ceremonial weaponry. The herding center was responsible for raising livestock. The offices of the protectorate and honor guards were responsible for the estate’s safety and ceremonial patrols. The warehouse and granary were responsible for collecting, storing and distributing food and salary. There were also those tutors, professors, ceremony officiators and so on who were permanent residents in the estate.
It could be said that the Adjutant’s Office was the largest governmental division within the vassal state.
Included within the adjutant’s duties were to “reinforce official decrees within the estate, prevent the prince from making mistakes, rectify the prince’s mistakes, manage all the estate’s workers and some miscellaneous affairs, deal with the citizens’ requests for names, titles, marriage, favor and gratitude, write various reports and clean it all up for his highness’s eyes.
From this it was clear that the Adjutant’s Office had a lot of authority.
Apart from the Adjutant’s Office, there was also the troop commander’s office who was in charge of the troops as well as the guard commander’s office who was in charge of the estate and prince’s safety. These were both appointed by the court.
Therefore, saying the vassal prince had a lot of authority wasn’t quite true. This was because everything that involved governing and militia was run by court-appointed people. This was like keeping him nailed down in place. They used their role as overseers of the vassal prince’s actions to guard against potential rebellion.
Of course people had different opinions about this sort of freedom. If you were an honest vassal prince with no other thoughts, you would be like a fish in water. On the other hand, if you had harmful thoughts or twisted ideas, you would need to spend an extreme amount of effort.
In his past life, the Yun Prince had been an honest vassal prince. He had truly lived like a fish in the water.
However, in this life, he no longer wanted to be an honest prince. There were three large mountains ahead of him that he needed to overcome. If not, his vassal state couldn’t be called his own world.
Luckily, the commander of the guards was someone promoted from one of Luo Huai Yuan’s guards. He was the previous captain of the guards, Li Wei. This meant Luo Huai Yuan had a little more personal freedom. A vassal prince was allowed to have thousands of personal guards. This was to say, as long as he could afford it, he could have under ten thousand people under his control. The court wouldn’t interfere with this.
Luo Huai Yuan currently had over a hundred guards. Thirty of them had been with him for a long time and could be called his own men. There were another few dozens who were sent to protect him by the court. He didn’t know if there were any spies among them so it was better not to use them if possible. It was better to recruit more on the spot.
Because the weather was cold and it was the end of the year, Luo Huai Yuan was very well behaved after getting to Yun City. He spent his days inside accompanying his consort.
The boss of the vassal state had arrived so an endless stream of officials came to offer their greetings. The heavy snow didn’t stop them from wanting to move up in ranks. However, Luo Huai Yuan was too lazy to bother with them. Before his estate was constructed, he wouldn’t get involved with any work. The various government offices could continue to work as before. He didn’t make any excuses and refused everyone at the door.
In private, he brought Yan Yan along on a trip throughout the entire city. Every now and then they would go riding and play in the snow.
The various officials and wealthy merchants couldn’t get in the doors so they could only secretly bribe servants in the neighboring courtyards. They wanted to get information on what the Yun Prince liked. They spent a lot of money and only managed to get one piece of information: our Yun Prince highness doesn’t get the final say. It’s the Yun Consort who decides what goes.
Err, what was going on here?
Were they still supposed to send gifts of silver and beauties over? Would the Yun Consort like beauties?!
Err, saw some readers saying this author didn’t bully the scum. This author really wants to clarify. All the scum that should be dead are dead. Those who didn’t die aren’t doing well. Of course there is still a fish that escaped the net. It’s the scummy dad. The scummy dad didn’t die, but his fate seems to be even more tragic than death.
Let’s consider this example. If the scummy dad really died from falling off the cliff, it would be the end of all his troubles. He wouldn’t have to care about anything after his death!
Unfortunately he didn’t die and was saved by CEO Xu. His current situation is that he was now a dead person and the Weiyuan Marquis Estate he struggled for his entire life was gone. His family was split up. His wife had run off. His face was disfigured and his leg crippled. He is also being kept by CEO Xu. Now, his mom also died. Actually, the old madam’s death hit Yan Ting just as hard as the Weiyuan Marquis Estate losing its nobility. The old madam’s health had always been good, but because of him (raising money for his prospects, dealing with trouble due to Yan Ting taking the large sum of money, this was why the old madam was so exhausted in mind and body.) The old madam was unpleasant to everyone else, but was an exceptionally good mom to Yan Ting. She gave her all for him until the day she died. Yan Ting was naturally aware of this.
Readers who are worried the scummy dad will cause trouble can relax. There is no way for him to do so. 1. Yan Ting knew his collusion with the enemy had been discovered. If he really made trouble and provoked the Zhenguo Duke Estate, this accusation would wipe out the entire Yan household. 2. Yan Ting wasn’t unaffected by Shen Ding’s words that day. It overturned everything he had thought and done for the past twenty years. Otherwise he wouldn’t have wanted to die and thrown himself from the cliff. 3. CEO Xu wouldn’t let him make trouble. CEO Xu’s biggest mission is to get his nephew on the throne. He doesn’t want to provoke the Zhenguo Duke Etate at this moment. Wouldn’t he be afraid of pushing this leviathan towards the crown prince’s side? Of course, if the Xu household succeeds, it would be a different story. However, we all know that he won’t succeed.
Therefore, whether Yan Ting’s dead or not isn’t important. What’s important is that he’s even worse off! No matter what Yan Ting thinks, whether or not he wishes to take revenge, there’s nothing he can do. He can only suffer night and day, feeling pain, regret, remorse. Of course, if all the readers feel it’s better for him to die, this author will let him close his eyes thoroughly in the future.